The Canada Goose Caboose
I love animals. In fact, I don’t eat animals because I like them so much. But there is one animal that isn’t worth celebrating on this National Wildlife Day. One animal that’s so cantankerous and just so flat-out rude that even animal lovers like me refuse to salute them. You know who I’m talking about—in fact you probably stepped in some of their poo on the way over here. That’s right, I’m talking about the iniquitous Canada Goose.
I believe that, for the most part, animals deserve the same respect and dignity as humans. Animals are conscious, feel pain, form companionships, and rear their young. And the Canada Goose does all these things.
Yet my heart is hardened in regard to that goose.
It all started years ago, when I was a runner. I’d jog miles along a trail near my place day in and day out. Runs were typically pleasant, except for one portion of the trail, that part of the trail I deemed “Goose Run.”
Goose Run was a landfill of goose poop. You’d definitely want to give your shoes a once over after running the Goose Run. But that’s not the problem—until animals get around to inventing species specific toilets, I’m fine with them relieving themselves outdoors (but never eat outdoors alone).
My problem is the bad attitude. Most animals usually confront humans out of fear or necessity. Venomous snakes bite when cornered; deer throw fisticuffs when there’s no obvious escape; and cat’s attack when…well, cat’s just attack—but they’re so cute.
The Canada Goose, on the other hand, simply has hatred in its heart. When the Canada Goose approaches you with its wings spread, its neck stiffened, and hissing its little head off, it does so out of pure, unadulterated spite. The Canada Goose was born hating this world and everything in it. And that’s the cold hard truth.
Does this mean that we’re therefore justified in hunting down the Canada Goose? At least to me, it doesn’t. I tend to believe that insolent creatures are just loving ones succumbed to the misery of life. Perhaps if we humans hadn’t colonized their land, the Canada Goose wouldn’t be so angry. Perhaps we’d be sipping Texas Sweet Tea with a goose were the world more agreeably goosey.
I don’t know.
So mayhap I spoke too harshly at the outset. Maybe the Canada Goose is worth celebrating. Perhaps, maybe, just a little…
Happy National Wildlife Day!